“Someday, someone is gonna think I’m the best guy ever.” That’s the thought I keep repeating to myself over and over in my head. Of course, I’ll have to prove it to her. But I’m sure that won’t be hard. If there’s one thing I love…it’s love. Heh, even though it always seems I am fighting a losing battle with it. Those are ther best battles! They build character and chicks dig scars, y’know? They love to ask where you got em! Even emotional scars! ”Where’d you get this one from?” “Oh, that? That came from this chick who ripped out my heart, set it on fire, put it back in my chest, then stomped it out.”

Not so suddenly, I think I have figured out one of my fatal flaws. Well really I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. The thing is, I always cling to the idea that I can fix things or that things aren’t over. What I’ve learned is that turning back the hands of fate is not one of my skill sets. I guess fighting fate is like trying to stop time from moving. It’s just not possible. However, it is a sweet, and romantic idea, isn’t it? There is always the one that got away, the one you screwed up, or the one you just didn’t try hard enough to get. I don’t make a habit of living with regrets, but I do make a habit of wishing things could be different. This all ties into my biggest vice–having a thing for women who don’t feel the same way about me. I don’t know what it is. I would hate to admit there could be some truth in the age old “We always want what we can’t have,” thing. So…I don’t. It’s not that I want what I can’t have. I…I just want what I want. The heart wants what it wants. What can anyone really say about the ones we let slip by? I guess Rick Blaine in Casablanca said it best. “We’ll always have paris.” Who knew a 68 year old movie would have such timeless insight!

In the end, I’m not worried. Great love, great times, great stories and even greater memories are headed my way. Till then…it’s an up and down rollercoaster of romantic disappointment and disillusionment. The ride is worthwhile though. I guess I’m just at the lull where nothing is really happening. Once I get to the top, however, it’ll be along exciting fall and the word “love” will never be the same.